Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
