So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
