Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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