your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
