Someone shit on the floor
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
