Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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