I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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