That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
