What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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