nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I would ride that face into the sunset
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
