Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
