What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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