so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
