Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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