So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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