worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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