So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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