carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
