I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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