I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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