That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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