is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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