yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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