i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
