: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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