doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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