but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
