im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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