The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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