I can feel you judging me through the phone.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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