I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
