What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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