You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
