meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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