Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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