If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
