Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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