I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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