Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
