Texts From Last Night

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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.

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  (308): i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me. http://tfl.nu/ln0p
  Replies (18) Good night (4382) Bad night (775)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her

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  (913): I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her http://tfl.nu/1ar3
  Replies (39) Good night (5976) Bad night (1591)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked

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  (732): You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked http://tfl.nu/rb79
  Replies (3) Good night (1254) Bad night (2984)
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  (619): View more from California

  she peed on how many people?

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  (619): she peed on how many people? http://tfl.nu/sqm0
  Replies (23) Good night (2099) Bad night (6002)
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  (310): View more from California

  I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?

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  (310): I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow? http://tfl.nu/cjjr
  Replies (6) Good night (3485) Bad night (1138)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.

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  (561): She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal. http://tfl.nu/us8h
  Replies (3) Good night (1869) Bad night (738)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them

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  (217): I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them http://tfl.nu/sgxd
  Replies (5) Good night (2177) Bad night (996)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.

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  (614): They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor. http://tfl.nu/swbu
  Replies (24) Good night (1462) Bad night (3654)
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  (769): View more from Mississippi

  He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking

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  (769): He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking http://tfl.nu/ylhe
  Replies (6) Good night (668) Bad night (1164)
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  (418): View more from Quebec

  You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.

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  (418): You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar. http://tfl.nu/ds06
  Replies (2) Good night (860) Bad night (475)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.

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  (561): No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise. http://tfl.nu/h521
  Replies (8) Good night (1300) Bad night (651)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.

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  (314): That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu. http://tfl.nu/ssef
  Replies (7) Good night (803) Bad night (537)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame

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  (306): I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame http://tfl.nu/y48t
  Replies (1) Good night (765) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  We need a shit load of segways right now

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  (570): We need a shit load of segways right now http://tfl.nu/bi1o
  Replies (1) Good night (599) Bad night (358)
• Favorite

  (587): View more from Alberta

  Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...

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  (587): Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level... http://tfl.nu/ep5w
  Replies (0) Good night (168) Bad night (228)

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