i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.