i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off