i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
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Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.