yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS