the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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