I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
