So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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