Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
