The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
