WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
