I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
