I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
And the cops told us we were all naked.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
