I showed him my bush... on skype.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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