All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
