if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Randomize
