On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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