I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
