You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
