i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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