I accidentally burped into my bong.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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