New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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