i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
