I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
