YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
