the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
