My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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