Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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