you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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