He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
