ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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