3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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