bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
