Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
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So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I did not marry a roomba.
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