It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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