OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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