I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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