just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
did you just send me my own nude
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
