I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
