it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He shit in the fireplace
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