Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
