I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
