I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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